Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Twilight Sucks

[We take no sides in supernatural blood feuds, and we are well aware that Werewolves and Vampires don't get along, but vampires come first alphabetically – and, if we're entirely honest, we have far more of them in stock.]

In many respects, Pattinson and Stewart are a whole lot more frightening
than the prospect of meeting a real vampire

Before they lost their bite and gained glitter through the cinematic dead-fish that is Robert Pattinson, vampires were some of the oldest characters in traditional horror fiction. Old in that they don’t, ever, seem to age, and that they were first imagined in prehistoric times. 

Bram stoker gave the Vampire real literary teeth. His Dracula is the immortal (if you’ll pardon the expression) example of the unaging, wealthy recluse who presumably wants to drink the blood of virgins or something. As is still the preferred trick of Donald Trump and Gina Rinehart, Dracula invited the curious and the unsuspecting into his manor, offered them dinner and a bed, then bit into their necks to drain their vital fluids.

For the more traditional costume, we do a skimpy outfit with teeth

Even if they’re now left toothless, the traditional, non-Pattinson vampire is both a frightening addition to any tale, and a brilliant choice for a dignified Halloween costume. With centuries to think about their wardrobe, vampires are bound to look good. If you don’t plan on dressing up as one, at the very least consider some garlic in the event that you should run into someone who does.

The Grand Heritage costume is for the man who spends, and wants to look, like an aristocrat

This Halloween we will be stocking a surplus of luxuriant capes and gowns and whole costumes; plenty of dignified evening wear for the man or woman who can only come out come evening.

To accompany any costume, or for the inconspicuous vampire

For now, take a break, and allow the blood to come back into your cheeks; next time, things get hairy.

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