State of the Union - Post-Halloween's Good Grief

Good grief.

Halloween has come and gone, and now we are on the cusp of the race that stops the nation. What an absurd few weeks it has been.

Inundated with costumes of every variety (and not all of them scary and immodest) we’ve done everything that we can to ensure your Halloween was a good one. The sheer, gross number of customers (gross in the sense that there were a lot of you, not that you are revolting) we had in the last fortnight has almost been debilitating. But good debilitating. Like when you drink just enough to know a sit-down is in order. The lead up to Christmas is our hard-earned, and definitely-needed sit-down.

This Halloween also marked our radio debut – and though half our name was censored (“All Costumes Great and Small and Costume—beep” who else could it really be?) our customer service team was competent (or perhaps incompetent) enough to get a laugh out of Tom Ballard, even if we couldn’t offer him the Richard Kingsmill costume he so desired. Listeners can rest assured that we have a surplus stock of Kingsmill costumes in all sizes, still to come, for next year. Watch this space.

This is, then, a timely opportunity to let all our digital friends (or “likers” – maybe too cold a term) know that we also sell balloons. You would be forgiven for thinking, as I did, that you couldn’t purchase balloons for an occasion like the Melbourne Cup, but how wrong, as I was, you would be. We supplied for a whole lot of Halloween parties over the past few weeks, we’ve just distributed a whole lot for Cup Day around Wahroonga, and Christmas – as the department stores very loudly and quickly remind us – is only around the month-or-so corner. If you want thin plastic membranes filled with the gassy essence of voice-altering fun, give us a call.

 

Between seasons we get bored. So shortly we will be announcing our Best-Of Halloween competition. Regardless of whether or not you rented it from us, we do so love to encourage good costumes. If you think your getup for the spooky season was good enough that you could confidently laugh in the face of conventional vampires, or regular sexy ghosts (bikinis over sheets will be very well received) then why not enter the most flattering picture of yourself from the week gone by, in the hope of winning some incredibly elaborate and unexpected prizes (it’s gift-vouchers, just to spoil the surprise)! But get your skates on (or, you know, your costume) as the competition closes on Friday, 4:00.

In any case, thank you so much to those of you who came in store, ate our candy, and tried on our costumes. There’s a horrible “spooktacular” pun to be made somewhere in here about the collective lot of you, but we respect you too much to try.

 

Hope that All Hallows Eve was fun, rather than frightful, and that you are all well.

Be wonderful to one another,

Costume Direct.

Twilight Sucks

[We take no sides in supernatural blood feuds, and we are well aware that Werewolves and Vampires don't get along, but vampires come first alphabetically – and, if we're entirely honest, we have far more of them in stock.]

In many respects, Pattinson and Stewart are a whole lot more frightening
than the prospect of meeting a real vampire

Before they lost their bite and gained glitter through the cinematic dead-fish that is Robert Pattinson, vampires were some of the oldest characters in traditional horror fiction. Old in that they don’t, ever, seem to age, and that they were first imagined in prehistoric times. 

Bram stoker gave the Vampire real literary teeth. His Dracula is the immortal (if you’ll pardon the expression) example of the unaging, wealthy recluse who presumably wants to drink the blood of virgins or something. As is still the preferred trick of Donald Trump and Gina Rinehart, Dracula invited the curious and the unsuspecting into his manor, offered them dinner and a bed, then bit into their necks to drain their vital fluids.

For the more traditional costume, we do a skimpy outfit with teeth

Even if they’re now left toothless, the traditional, non-Pattinson vampire is both a frightening addition to any tale, and a brilliant choice for a dignified Halloween costume. With centuries to think about their wardrobe, vampires are bound to look good. If you don’t plan on dressing up as one, at the very least consider some garlic in the event that you should run into someone who does.

The Grand Heritage costume is for the man who spends, and wants to look, like an aristocrat

This Halloween we will be stocking a surplus of luxuriant capes and gowns and whole costumes; plenty of dignified evening wear for the man or woman who can only come out come evening.

To accompany any costume, or for the inconspicuous vampire

For now, take a break, and allow the blood to come back into your cheeks; next time, things get hairy.

Humans versus Zombies

An open top button shows that you are a zombie who gets work done
but still knows how to have a good time.

We start our walk down misery lane with a phenomenon that has really come back into fashion. As recently as last week, they could be seen staggering about the University of Sydney campus in the latest event in afranchise dedicated to keeping them at bay.

Something about an apocalypse-fearing western world and the undyingly funny comedy duo of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost has created this sick fascination with the idea that the world is going to end, that all humans will die, and – what’s worse –we will be rude enough to come back when we do.

Thanks to Emily Rose, the whole family can get in on the fun

Born (or perhaps born again) in African folklore, the zombie was the victim of a spell which snatched the soul, and left the victim at the hands of shaman or (as it was speculated) child powerful enough to cast it.

Whilst this image of the voodoo zombie didn’t stick, the contemporary rendition (the teenage zombie, we might call it, for its inability to articulate sentences, lack of independent thought, and often expressionless face) came about in 1930’s Haiti where it was rumoured that psychoactive drugs were being used to make slaves compliant. Zombie like. The claims are still contested, but thankfully, these zombies were not infections, nor did they hunger for human flesh.

Come as the ghost of Orlando Bloom's post Pirates career

Known for their slack jaws, unsteady gazes, thirst for brains and noble limps (for the rappers: it is worth noting that to “hurple” – or limp with one leg dragging – is one of the only words in the English language to rhyme with purple), today’s image of the zombie has become an incredibly popular trope in the face of the inevitable, Mayan-predicted end of the world. 

So this Halloween, if moving slowly and grunting a lot is your thing, let your flesh hang down, and your arms jut awkwardly forward, sporting any one of a number of living dead themed costumes we are carrying in store this season.

A bolt in the hand is worth two in the bush

Pick your jaws up off the ground and literally pull yourself together, tomorrow is going to suck.